I remember the first time I said to anyone about my film-making aspirations, people were talking to me about my prospects of walking the Oscar carpets or comparing my dreams with those of the famous folks in cinema. And with a shameless foolishness, I was pumped up to walk the red carpets and stand with stalwarts. It was later after I came back to senses that I understood: what I need to fight against isn’t just restricted to the opposing waves of the existing ego-centric industry. Why exactly do people expect me to become famous?
Even if I told them that I want to become a scientist, they may relate my dream to that of APJ Kalaam (in his growing years)!!!! Because how many scientist names are common people exposed to? However, whatever reasons may fall behind people expecting me to be famous in the pursuit to my dreams, the question always lies with me -- the dreamer. Do I want to become famous or self-satisfying? Or are they related?
In most cases, I think they are related. We have become so much dependent on other’s feedback to our work/life-style, that satisfaction bears no value without public recognition. Is there a way to escape this? Can I fall in those few cases, where self-satisfaction and public recognition are separated? I think I need to try that out. It’s hard; but I need to mould my mind to that level. Can I? Probably, I need to fight against a lot of things within me, to ignore the expectation of becoming famous or the yearning for public acknowledgement.
Only then, I can truly justify the big decision I am taking in my life. There is no point in expecting the same things that I do, working as typical software engineer. If it is still the same shit about getting appreciation from people around or the expectation that your colleagues/relatives will feel proud of you when knowing about your success, the life I will lose in trying make that success will bear no lasting value to me. Lasting satisfaction is always personal; something which I denied myself my whole life. The mental tuning that happened for 27 years of my life should be un-tuned now. I cannot let social parameters affect the selfish satisfaction that I owe to myself.
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