Pray, or check the Possibilities!!!

It's been a week since the New Year (2010) began. A lot of life has passed. My first public puking experience, got sick, solved a production issue at work, hit the gym, got sick again, spoke to a lot of friends, spoke to my sis after a long time. Lots of life has gone through in one week. But insomnia all throughout the week makes me feel as if I wasted a lot of time (when I wasn't sleeping, I was actually wasting time trying to sleep). But why I am feeling so guilty about wasting time?

I think it isn't guilt; but fear. Not the fear of wasting time. But, Fear of uncertainty. The day of my decision making is getting nearer. I have waited nearly an year for this day. Planned for it. Worked hard to save my job and save some money. And now, it's like butterflies in my tummy. Continuing to save my job and save more money is seeming very easy and comfortable.

I made things hard for myself by unlearning how to pray, a few years ago. If there is anyway I could learn what I unlearned (with respect to praying), I wish I could pray to get some strength to fight this fear and go ahead with my dreams. But when I unlearned, I simultaneously learned how to see the possibilities. So let me do it now.

What am I getting afraid of? To leave a stable job? To leave the comfort zone I am standing on? Probably!!! So let them be the stable and comfortable aspects that I am planning to leave. Isn't there a possibility of setting my foot on something stable and comfortable, when I get into films? There is; but it's a very meek chance. I should be able get a chance to work as an assistant under a good film-maker. Isn't there a possibility to make whatever I put my foot on, to lead me to a stable and comfortable zone? There is. I can try to go through a film course for an year and make my mind get used to the dynamics of the film world. Stability and Comfort are all in the mind. I think a film course would be a great stress reliever and a mind-setter.

But what if I am in a grave situation where I can't do either? Even then, there is a possibility....... Pray. Should I? Or is there any other possibility? Let me think.....